We finally made it to the date of the adoption hearing. Four weeks of worry. Four weeks of nausea. Grandma made no efforts to get the twins. She didn’t show up for her scheduled visit and never rescheduled another one. She didn’t tell the social worker if she found adequate housing. Nothing. So, we drove our 10 kids (Dane had headed off to college in July) 5 hours to the small reservation town where the hearing was to be held. We bought matching outfits for the twins for the big day. We have never done that before and thought it would be sweet. We went to the hearing with our social worker and the twins. The other children were not allowed to go in, so they waited in the waiting room. Once in the court room, the judge listened to the facts of our case. We also heard that Grandma would not make it to the hearing because she had been arrested in the early hours of the morning and was currently too intoxicated to walk over to the court building. But, the judge was seemingly unconcerned about this latest behavior of the grandma. The judge told those of us in the court room that the social worker had not given Grandma enough opportunities to get herself together, so she would reschedule the hearing for a month and hopefully this would be enough time for Grandma to show that she was in fact interested and capable of taking the twins. We were stunned. Speechless really. Powerless. Horrified.
So, here we sit and wait. And wonder. And worry. I know I am supposed to “have faith”. But really, I don’t “have” faith. Faith seems elusive. I don’t seem able to hang onto the hope that everything will turn out for the best. All I can seem to think of is the fact that my good friend Rayanne and her family are currently losing their foster son whom they have had from birth to 3 years old. They tried to adopt their little Native American son, but they were told “No, you are too white!” Too white to be good for a little boy whom they love with all their hearts.
One of my girl friends just asked me how I can homeschool my children when my mind is overwhelmed with this fear. I’m wondering that too. At times my anxious mind does find peace. I feel like the only thing that allows me to focus on something other then the twin’s plight, must certainly be due to the prayers of my friends and family.
Please keep praying for us.