I have found some peace in this journey I am reluctantly traveling. During Mass this Sunday our priest reminded us that our will can control our imagination. And he is right. I am at the point where I am refusing to just give away my peace in exchange for dwelling on what might happen in the future. I got a call from the social worker this morning and she is setting up the visits for Grandma to come see the twins. My fear was immediately triggered. But, I am refusing to let the fear of losing the twins ruin my day… my life. I have an anger (passion) to keep the twins and raise them in a healthy, loving environment. I have an anger to watch them grow into men of faith. But, I also have an anger to live my life in peace and love. To love my children gently. To guide and teach my children to grow in God’s love. To receive their hugs and kisses daily. To laugh at their antics. I will not let this situation paralyze me in my fear and sink me into depression. I will walk the journey of faith. The journey that says, “If God doesn’t fix this and allow us to keep the twins, then He will not let our sadness and our fear destroy us. He will sustain me and my family. And somehow, someway, He will love and care for our twins, wherever they are placed”.
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