We learned yesterday that we may lose our twins. They are three years old and we have had them for over two of those years. They spent a year in foster care before we got them. The maternal grandmother, whom the twins have never met, has decided she would like to have them. If she can pass the background check and finds a home to live in that passes inspection, she will be allowed to take them. We are just heart sick. Upon telling our other children my 13 year old daughter, said through tears, “How can we go on?” Thats how I feel. How do you put one foot in front of the other and keep living life, when someone is threatening to take your children? I don’t know. I’m trying to figure it out. Of course prayer is part of the answer. All of the answer. What else can we do? It feels like they have been diagnosed with a terminal disease and now we have to just wait and wonder if they will die. Except, it feels worse because my mind keeps going to that place where they get taken to a new home and they don’t know anyone and they think we have abandoned them. Their minds will not comprehend. They will swim in their sorrow. Today it occurred to me that at least they will have each other. A small comfort.
This is the first time we have had to walk through this kind of pain. This kind of fear. This kind of sad. We have 11 children and all but two I would consider to be “legally risky”. Meaning we have taken 9 children that we knew we could lose. But for the last 18 years of raising children, God has never asked us to walk that journey of loss. I pray He is not asking us to do it now.
Please pray for us.